Tuesday, January 18, 2011

0 Confused

I don’t know what to think. In two weeks, I have a decision to make. I’m so confused.. And this is making me feel sad..
My husband is in M already. He got a good job now. I’m here in C because I still got a job here. It has been three months since he left and I was left alone. So far, I can say we’re moving on.. Moving back to our normal life. Payday every two weeks, paying our bills, etc. Everthing’s going back to normal, I think.
Now, here’s the decision making part. My husband and I talked about me going back to M, for good. So we can be together. We’ve decided that I will be leaving C in March. Since I still have to tender 30days before the effectivity date of my resignation..
Last Friday, I had a 1 on 1 meeting w/ my manager. 3rd month performance review. We talked about how she think I did during my 1st three months on the job. It was a very interesting conversation. I learned something new from it. Well, talking to your manager, with him or her talking about or giving you feedback on your performance, is awesome for me, always. Regardless if it’s a negative or positive feedback. I got all positive feedback. Thank God! So far, my manager is happy on how I am doing with my job and she sees me as a great asset of the company. To add to this, she accelerated my probationary and that made me a regular employee. And wait, there’s more! 10% more is going to be added in my take home pay every 5th and 20th. Yeah! I was all smiles when I went out of her room..
There are lots of reasons why somebody from our company would leave. Not so good and not so good-looking office. No dependents covered in the health benefits. No I’d (yet)! And many more reasons. Of course, not to mention the salary dilemma of all employees even from other company. But despite of all these, I enjoy working on that not so good and not so good-looking office. I stays in the office for not less than 12hrs a day without noticing that it’s already past midnight. Although sometimes I feel like I’m a proposal machine, I didn’t care. Maybe because of the people around me. I am enjoying working with them.
Going back to the decision making part, I only have 2 more weeks. I pray that He will guide me in making this decision. It’s so hard to leave if something in me is trying to hold on.. I have been here in C for more than 2yrs now. And I can say, this place taught me a lot of things that definitely changed my life. C is actually my 2nd home now..
If my manager see this, please don’t be mad. God knows, I wanted to stay. I am so thankful of all the learnings I am getting. I haven’t decided yet, though. But if that day comes, that I will be giving you my letter, I will be the saddest person.. I will be weighing all things. You can be assured that whatever decision I will make, is totally heart-breaking for me.. But, I have my husband waiting for me also. He’s my family..
I hope I can get that sign…
Good night..


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