0 Too Much

My friends are important to me. I guess, everyone treasures their friends as much as I do. They are actually one of the reasons that keep me going. I’m not easy to deal with. I know! So, if there’s this person who can stay with me whatever I’m doing, I love them. I love them as much as I love the people who are connected to me biologically.

Pero, hanggang saan ba ang pagkakaibigan? May hangganan nga ba? Dapat ba talaga may hangganan? If meron, why? Is this necessary? For me, true friendship should not have a hangganan. I mean, you trust that person as much as you want them to trust you, right? Treat them well, love them, make sure they’re okay. You expect that person to be crying with you if you’re crying even without a reason. Laugh at your corniest jokes. Will go out and look for food in the middle of the night. Something like that. You may not live together but that person is the extension of yourself.. That’s me to my friends, I guess.. Up to the extent that I share some information to them that they should not know. I am confident in them. I trust them, that’s why..

This past few days has been hard for me. I guess, I expected too much from the people I call friends. I expected them to tell me everything that’s happening to them also. I expected them to treat me as I treat them. I expected them to make me feel important. Maybe, I think, that’s one characteristics of a Leo, loves to be the center of attention – loves to feel important. I just realized, this should not be what’s happening. I mean, people tend to be close to you and make you feel you’re important to them but not the way you treated them. Some people would hold off their affection.. We cannot force them to do what they don’t want to do. We cannot force them to tell you everything to you. Sometimes, you’re the last person to know whatever they’re going through..

And this hurts me a lot. I get easily hurt when it comes to my friends. Given that we all have different personalities and we got different life situations to deal with, I want them to include me as part of the solution of what they’re going through.. But, its not happening. The other day, I learned some things from my friends that shocked me. It got me devastated. I know, they have the right to choose on who to tell it to, but sometimes, it just hurts that I am always the last person to know between the four of us. I have to keep on asking just to get the information I want. Whereas, all the three of them knows so much.

I remember praying for a true and long friendship. And I’m learning.. With what happened, I learned that no matter how you want things to be, there will be uncontrollable circumstances that will make your life change.. Right now, I’m hurting.. I’m not really sure yet on how to overcome this. I guess, I’ll just take this one day at a time……

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